That Giant Cunt From Dough

Dough serves some quality fare.  Real tasty, that has been established.  What is not so savory about said Dough?  That two day old can of tuna that guards the door, seating and my booze.  She wears stupid glasses that probably improve her appearance being that those wire frames serve to distract from those butthole eyes.  Apparently she sleeps behind the TJ Max.  She has a deal with them.  She gets to sleep by the back door and gets free khakis, in exchange for her sleep-farts keeping away thieves and bums.   She takes a hose bath every other week with the used soaps she finds in the dumpster from the Wedgewood.  This woman really rains of my parade.  I am loyal and well paying patron of Dough, and I feel I am owed a little respect.  VIP respect.  If I knew when her day off was, I would dine on those days.  But she doesn't seem to have days off, she is always there!  Probably to pay for all the tape she has to use to conceal her roast beef curtains that she has too tape to her thighs.  I am officially boycotting Dough until that horse face is gone.  When I come in I want table right away, a table of my choosing.  Is that too much to ask?  While she dicks around with the white trash and mexican nationals that now fill the tables there, I will be elsewhere hating her.

Lukes Restaurant Review

Lüke, What a shit show!
 

I have a great idea for any asshole wanting to waste a good 60 bones on a smelly vagina tasting lunch. Here is what you should order: some fancy oysters that have been sitting in a pool of hot dishwater, some crab bisque that tastes like last nights dishwater, and a BLT that consists of half a piece of bacon, a mealy tomato, and some burned bread. They actually topped off that pussy fart of a BLT off with an overly fried soft shell crab, unseasoned. Now you have just flushed 60 bucks down the crapper!  Congrats!You might as well stay home and mix up some DISHWATER! Thank you Luke for a smelly bunch of dookie!

Who's gonna fix my tattoo?  Santa?

pregnant

I got Tina Fey pregnant behind my old middle school. Yes!  We will name the baby Fred Dorothy Tina.

What if?

If reincarnation does exist, it is possible Osama bin Laden was reincarnated into one of Mariah Carey's babies?

camels

"It smells like camel food in here"
"No way it smells like camels!"
"Oh my God! Camels have stared eating other camels!"

I was going to kick his ass!

But according to his shirt he has NO FEAR!