Friday, January 28, 2011
Staying in for the night.
HeyTell is the greatest invention since flip-flops. For those who aren't familiar with the medium, it is a walkie-talkie-ish phone program that is the shit!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Kolaches up the butt!
I haven't had a good Kolache since Harold and I were in Schulenburg. Things got a bit heated this particular day. I wanted to have an early dinner! It was 4 o'clock! For crying out loud! I'm on a schedule! Bed time in 2 hours. My tummy is sensitive, this gal doesn't want to be getting up to go boom boom throughout the night!
Well, there is this great new place called Kolache Stop right by the house. Tasty wiener packages galore. Two nice young men run the joint. They seem to get along, but there is a jealous boyfriend scent in the air. No clue as to what that is about.
Pearl and Gladys had said they wanted to join, but I told them they needed to take their own car. I just can't dilly dally around, waiting for those gals to show! They are never on time. I have a back pill to take, and that means a food cushion!
8 o-clock is coming quick, time to put on my kaftan and hit the hay.
Well, there is this great new place called Kolache Stop right by the house. Tasty wiener packages galore. Two nice young men run the joint. They seem to get along, but there is a jealous boyfriend scent in the air. No clue as to what that is about.
Pearl and Gladys had said they wanted to join, but I told them they needed to take their own car. I just can't dilly dally around, waiting for those gals to show! They are never on time. I have a back pill to take, and that means a food cushion!
8 o-clock is coming quick, time to put on my kaftan and hit the hay.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I am about to lose my shit!`
I love Joan Rivers. She is funny as fuck! I was really looking forward to her new show. Except she had to involve that shitbird. Her half-breed horse faced daughter makes me want to murder her, but right before she dies I will ask her why being given a million dollar lifestyle and a kickass mom, she turned out to be the biggest douche of the 90's. Then the old stab in the face. I officially can't watch the show. So disappointing. Everyone hates you Mellisa Rivers! Get fucked!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Top 5 Burgers in San Antonio
Burgers are a huge subject of controversy in San Antonio.
There is this piece of shit white trash stomping ground called Chesters. I can't count how many friendships I have lost, all because of this tragedy of a burger joint! Fries I would never eat, or even stick or force in to anyone's asshole for that matter.
Let us be getting to the good parts:
1. Beefy's Backyard
ATOMIC BURGER. A little mix of grilled jalapenos, melted pepperjack cheese, and some crazy underground sex-scene salsa. Put all that mess on top of a beautiful beef patty and stick it between two mayonnaise cover buns. I don't want to think about my mom either!
2. Red Robin
BLUE RIBBON BURGER. Just close the fucking place down if all those yuppies running around with their kids at La Cantera aren't ordering this shit! They have a huge menu of bullshit spinach dip and onion ring towers. A long list of other step-sister burgers. That is what I am sure you would order if you were a Mexican national just leaving La Cantera after trying on all the most expensive clothes in Neiman Marcus and then throwing them all over the floor of your dressing room. That is exactly what those menu items were geared towards.
If? You on the other hand want to get a huge whip-it high out of a delicious bun filled with a fat beef patty, shoestring onion rings, blue cheese, and spicy chipotle sauce! THEN! Congratulations! You have come to the right place!
3. Chris Madrids
This is a San Antonio landmark! Don't dick around with the regular burger, the cheese burger, the bacon cheese burger, or even the double cheese something burger. Don't remember what they called that one.
The Tostada Burger is NO BULLSHIT! Use your imagination, if someone told me about a tostada burger, I wouldn't want all the details, I would want to try it for my own fucking self!
4. The Cove
Ok. This one is a little different. You must have a vagina or forget you have a dick for at least 10 minutes. (Or however long it takes for you to eat something that is your average hamburger size.)
We are talking about a Vegan "bacon cheeseburger". Veggie patty, pretty standard. The "bacon" part is a vegan bacon. The cheese part is a vegan cheese. But in the middle of all this vegan dike festival that happens in the middle of Cypress Street there is this little miracle that happens. They top all of the formerly mentioned ingredients with a generous pile of hummus and some other delicious shit. It becomes a trifecta of flavor! I will turn you a fag with this!
5. Broadway 50/50
Let us get straight to the point. El Jefe. For those of you who don't speak Spanish, it means The Jefe.
I think the guy that owns this place in in cahoots with Mr. Pam. They both buy those delicious buns from Broadway Daily Bread. A coincidence, me thinks not!
A sub-sandwich shaped burger, topped with some feta and pico de gallo or some shit. I don't know but it is so tasty.
That will end this I have whip-its to do!
There is this piece of shit white trash stomping ground called Chesters. I can't count how many friendships I have lost, all because of this tragedy of a burger joint! Fries I would never eat, or even stick or force in to anyone's asshole for that matter.
Let us be getting to the good parts:
1. Beefy's Backyard
ATOMIC BURGER. A little mix of grilled jalapenos, melted pepperjack cheese, and some crazy underground sex-scene salsa. Put all that mess on top of a beautiful beef patty and stick it between two mayonnaise cover buns. I don't want to think about my mom either!
2. Red Robin
BLUE RIBBON BURGER. Just close the fucking place down if all those yuppies running around with their kids at La Cantera aren't ordering this shit! They have a huge menu of bullshit spinach dip and onion ring towers. A long list of other step-sister burgers. That is what I am sure you would order if you were a Mexican national just leaving La Cantera after trying on all the most expensive clothes in Neiman Marcus and then throwing them all over the floor of your dressing room. That is exactly what those menu items were geared towards.
If? You on the other hand want to get a huge whip-it high out of a delicious bun filled with a fat beef patty, shoestring onion rings, blue cheese, and spicy chipotle sauce! THEN! Congratulations! You have come to the right place!
3. Chris Madrids
This is a San Antonio landmark! Don't dick around with the regular burger, the cheese burger, the bacon cheese burger, or even the double cheese something burger. Don't remember what they called that one.
The Tostada Burger is NO BULLSHIT! Use your imagination, if someone told me about a tostada burger, I wouldn't want all the details, I would want to try it for my own fucking self!
4. The Cove
Ok. This one is a little different. You must have a vagina or forget you have a dick for at least 10 minutes. (Or however long it takes for you to eat something that is your average hamburger size.)
We are talking about a Vegan "bacon cheeseburger". Veggie patty, pretty standard. The "bacon" part is a vegan bacon. The cheese part is a vegan cheese. But in the middle of all this vegan dike festival that happens in the middle of Cypress Street there is this little miracle that happens. They top all of the formerly mentioned ingredients with a generous pile of hummus and some other delicious shit. It becomes a trifecta of flavor! I will turn you a fag with this!
5. Broadway 50/50
Let us get straight to the point. El Jefe. For those of you who don't speak Spanish, it means The Jefe.
I think the guy that owns this place in in cahoots with Mr. Pam. They both buy those delicious buns from Broadway Daily Bread. A coincidence, me thinks not!
A sub-sandwich shaped burger, topped with some feta and pico de gallo or some shit. I don't know but it is so tasty.
That will end this I have whip-its to do!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
top 5 Bette Midler movies! dicks!
There is this lady. Her name is Bette. Midler is her maiden name. She prefers The Divine Miss M. I say fine. Pretty legs, great big knockers.
1. First Wives Club
I can watch this over and over. Diane, Bette, Goldie. This movie is a true paragon. That is the adjective Rose Lindsey used to describe Sue Ellen Crandell in Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead.
2.Big Business
Get fucked if you don't know about this gem. Lily Tomlin and Bette. Two of them. Times two.
3.For The Boys
I am a huge pussy. Cry at everything. This is one of those that you really feel. Why? Cause that shit happened, and boys died. we. ourselves, parents, and grandparents have all been THIS age. But WE this age don't have any idea what THAT was like.
4.Down And Out In Beverly Hills
I just wanted so see Bette have an orgasm. so what?! Nick Nolte, Mr. Hollands Opus guy.
5.Beaches
Blossom, Hershey-face, tears. Ya. Ya, doesn't get old.
6. Stella.... go see it for yourself!
7.The Rose -
To be continued
1. First Wives Club
I can watch this over and over. Diane, Bette, Goldie. This movie is a true paragon. That is the adjective Rose Lindsey used to describe Sue Ellen Crandell in Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead.
2.Big Business
Get fucked if you don't know about this gem. Lily Tomlin and Bette. Two of them. Times two.
3.For The Boys
I am a huge pussy. Cry at everything. This is one of those that you really feel. Why? Cause that shit happened, and boys died. we. ourselves, parents, and grandparents have all been THIS age. But WE this age don't have any idea what THAT was like.
4.Down And Out In Beverly Hills
I just wanted so see Bette have an orgasm. so what?! Nick Nolte, Mr. Hollands Opus guy.
5.Beaches
Blossom, Hershey-face, tears. Ya. Ya, doesn't get old.
6. Stella.... go see it for yourself!
7.The Rose -
To be continued
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