"It smells like camel food in here"
"No way it smells like camels!"
"Oh my God! Camels have stared eating other camels!"
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
You won't see me a regular gym!
All those men try to stare down my vag!
I would rather go to curves!
I would rather go to curves!
Why don't I live in Austin. Questions and answers.
Is it just too great? I mean, why the fuck don't we all live there? Well that would just be too easy wouldn't it?! Lakes, rivers, hippies, yuppies, dykes, motorheads, geeks. Rooney! .... Call me sir!
Beautiful people everywhere. Really! So many pretty folks on every side of my chubby face! Plenty of douche bags on hand to verbally rip apart to mineself.
You can literally walk a mile in any direction and have door after door of doors! If you do have a penis you will most likely find some ear gauges to put your weiner in! Keep your eye out for young, pregnant ladies who are about to ruin their lives. Congratulations! It's a jerk! 215 pounds and 4 ounces. Someone cut the cord to his..xbox!
So I think I might take that 800k I have lying around my money drawer and get me a cozy place in a-town. I will start reading Mother Jones and shitting green. Get a yoga membership and give up on penis.
Beautiful people everywhere. Really! So many pretty folks on every side of my chubby face! Plenty of douche bags on hand to verbally rip apart to mineself.
You can literally walk a mile in any direction and have door after door of doors! If you do have a penis you will most likely find some ear gauges to put your weiner in! Keep your eye out for young, pregnant ladies who are about to ruin their lives. Congratulations! It's a jerk! 215 pounds and 4 ounces. Someone cut the cord to his..xbox!
So I think I might take that 800k I have lying around my money drawer and get me a cozy place in a-town. I will start reading Mother Jones and shitting green. Get a yoga membership and give up on penis.
Friday, April 15, 2011
David Arquette is a fucking idiot.
I have a drunk baby voice that I am bi-weekly ashamed of.
David sounds like a fucking retard. Blaa blla bloo blaa blaa. His voice grinds my fucking gears. He is NOT funny. He sounds like one of those churchill dropouts when it was cool to date one. Even so, he sounds very syndrome of some form or another. If he says "sorta" one more time, Courtney Cox will have to explain his murder to their young child.
David sounds like a fucking retard. Blaa blla bloo blaa blaa. His voice grinds my fucking gears. He is NOT funny. He sounds like one of those churchill dropouts when it was cool to date one. Even so, he sounds very syndrome of some form or another. If he says "sorta" one more time, Courtney Cox will have to explain his murder to their young child.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tele Dilemma!
So, while most of the stupid USA aren't participating in the San Antonio Fiesta activities, drinking tons of beer and spending countless coupons on Maria's Torillas, gorditas, puffy tacos, escar-motherfucking-got, and all the other treats that i DID eat, I just can't remember their names! I have been super busy supporting the local conservation society!
Apparently the rest of the country has been busy watching Dancing with Piles of Shit, or American Pityfuck.
The network shows are starting to come towards the end of their seasons. OH WAIT!
NO THAT HAVENT! THEY HAVE BEEN SHOWING A FUCK LOAD OF REPEATS WHILE I SIT AROUND WAITING TO SEE HOW MANY PREVIEWS IN ONE COMMERCIAL BREAK I CAN SEE FOR FUCKING COUGAR TOWN!
I care very much for my Modern Family Wednesdays. It has been at least a month.
I have really been hanging in there for my NBC Thursdays. (Excluding those two new shit-shows that someone, someones! should be fired for.)
How are we ever going to maintain any quality programming when these huge gaps between new episodes happen all the fucking time?
It really frustrates the hell out of me.
This is the time of year when all of my favorite cable shows begin to rear there savory heads.
Showtime has it's Nurse Jackie. Love.
United States of Tara. Not the best dish, but way better than any of the crap they serve at your restaurant.
The Borgias. Been waiting for this fancy package of corruption for over a year! And what do they do? Give Jeremy Irons 5 minutes of screen time by episode 3. The younger, shithead son is horribly cast. He was in that Pillars of the Earth mini-series where he also played a despicable son who probably masturbates too much and has no friends other than the ones his status pathetically assigns to him.
Starz. Really clever name for a network.
Don't have many. What they did have was Party Down. Half hour pieces of fucking brilliance! I won't bother name dropping. That is what IMDB is for
On the other hand Startz was responsible for that joke Sparticus. AKA Why are you tempting me to throw a brick through all those jokable backdrops.
Camelot. Joseph Fiennes. Come on! JF as Merlin, who does no fucking sorcery. What am I missing on The Movie Channel?
HBO continues to deliver. Mildred Pierce, the five part mini-series staring Kate Winslet blew my mind. It is almost 6 hours in total and I have watched it twice.
My point. I can watch old Simpsons episodes and countless classic movies on my computer for free all day long. But TV, network TV. I just don't think this is working out between us. Even your better looking and more reliable half-sister HULU is just covered in these repetitive ads that I can't even make prettier with a little concealer, a pinch, or even some rouge! Your ads make me want to steal!
Pirate TV is all I can do for now.
Apparently the rest of the country has been busy watching Dancing with Piles of Shit, or American Pityfuck.
The network shows are starting to come towards the end of their seasons. OH WAIT!
NO THAT HAVENT! THEY HAVE BEEN SHOWING A FUCK LOAD OF REPEATS WHILE I SIT AROUND WAITING TO SEE HOW MANY PREVIEWS IN ONE COMMERCIAL BREAK I CAN SEE FOR FUCKING COUGAR TOWN!
I care very much for my Modern Family Wednesdays. It has been at least a month.
I have really been hanging in there for my NBC Thursdays. (Excluding those two new shit-shows that someone, someones! should be fired for.)
How are we ever going to maintain any quality programming when these huge gaps between new episodes happen all the fucking time?
It really frustrates the hell out of me.
This is the time of year when all of my favorite cable shows begin to rear there savory heads.
Showtime has it's Nurse Jackie. Love.
United States of Tara. Not the best dish, but way better than any of the crap they serve at your restaurant.
The Borgias. Been waiting for this fancy package of corruption for over a year! And what do they do? Give Jeremy Irons 5 minutes of screen time by episode 3. The younger, shithead son is horribly cast. He was in that Pillars of the Earth mini-series where he also played a despicable son who probably masturbates too much and has no friends other than the ones his status pathetically assigns to him.
Starz. Really clever name for a network.
Don't have many. What they did have was Party Down. Half hour pieces of fucking brilliance! I won't bother name dropping. That is what IMDB is for
On the other hand Startz was responsible for that joke Sparticus. AKA Why are you tempting me to throw a brick through all those jokable backdrops.
Camelot. Joseph Fiennes. Come on! JF as Merlin, who does no fucking sorcery. What am I missing on The Movie Channel?
HBO continues to deliver. Mildred Pierce, the five part mini-series staring Kate Winslet blew my mind. It is almost 6 hours in total and I have watched it twice.
My point. I can watch old Simpsons episodes and countless classic movies on my computer for free all day long. But TV, network TV. I just don't think this is working out between us. Even your better looking and more reliable half-sister HULU is just covered in these repetitive ads that I can't even make prettier with a little concealer, a pinch, or even some rouge! Your ads make me want to steal!
Pirate TV is all I can do for now.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
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